“Say goodbye like a plague. Say it like all you’ve ever wanted to be is the sun on their skin and the air in their lungs. Say it because it was good. Say it like the last time you touched and the first time you realized you were happy. Say it because you’re not now. Say it because if you don’t, you never will. Say it because you have nothing left to say.”
So this is my third attempt at a blog (third times the charm right??), and I am hopeful that this time it will stick a little bit better than the last two since it means a little bit more to me personally.
This past year (for some reason at 25 I still determine years by school years and lease renewals rather than actual calendar years) has been a roller coaster of trials and tribulations. A few months ago, I found myself exhausted in every sense of the word; emotional, physical, spiritual, you name it. I was exhausted despite having the most regular sleeping, eating, exercising habits that I have had since Freshman year of college- how was that 7 years ago already?! I was going through the motions daily; not able to give my all (or even very much) to my work, my clients, my family, my friends, and myself. There came a day that I felt like I was truly at my breaking point (the kind that isn’t all tears and yelling, but rather enormous amounts of indifference and shoulder shrugs). I realized that I had been forgetting one of the most important parts of life; I wasn’t being me. I wasn’t working to find the parts of me that I have yet to discover. So I turned to my powerful role models, both real and fiction (shout out Dana Scully).
First, I took an introspective look at the past year. The past year was full of newness; new home, new adventures, new job, new friends, new fur babies. However, this past year was also full of patterns, full of stagnation, full of rote days and weeks and months. I realized I was forgetting to live with intention. I had all of these new things, but they were often new things that simply happened to me out of convenience rather than big picture life choices.
Second, I decided I needed to take back my life and make it into something I was proud of living. I have no idea what that looks like yet, but I am looking forward to finding out through endless trial and error. So here I am, at the start of the new year (please see above on how I classify years). For those who have made it this far, thanks for reading. Hopefully, some of you will stick around to see how this all plays out. And if not, then that’s okay too because this is about me being me for me. If you do decide to stick around, buckle up! I have a feeling it’s going to be a bumpy ride as I navigate this world, but well worth what I learn. Hopefully you’ll learn something with me.
Here’s to being a (almost) 25 year old, newly single woman social working my way through life as a dog mom of two who loves chocolate, X-files, and adventures. I am glad to have you along with me for this journey.