I walked off you, and I walked off an old me

 

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I was walking through icy streams
That took my breath away
Moving slowly through westward water
Over glacial plains
And I walked off you
And I walked off an old me
Oh me oh my I thought it was a dream
So it seemed
And now, breathe deep
I’m inhaling
You and I, there’s air in between
-Maggie Rogers:  “Alaska”
And just like that, I completed my 26th trip around the sun. In my last post (lol like 6 months ago) I set myself some goals. Boy do I still have a lot of work to do. However, looking back on this last year, I am pretty dang proud of where I am in this crazy life. This past year I wanted to really lean into who I am and be me unapologetically. So while I still haven’t figured out the art of healthy habits and money management, I do feel as if I have done well with living up to being true to who I am.
The first thing that I am proud of is allowing myself to speak up for myself and things that I care about. I participated in an activity (thanks Brene Brown) in which we chose one thing that we would allow ourselves to do in order to be a better leader; I chose to give myself permission to speak up and speak out. Mostly this has been done at work recently, but I think that it is helpful and relevant in all areas of life.  I have learned that speaking up is the only way to get what you want or need. I have learned that speaking out sometimes doesn’t get you anything, but you should still do it because it is important to show others (and yourself) that you care and are trying your dang hardest.  I have learned that speaking up helps to support and empower others, which hopefully will allow them to gain the courage to also speak up for themselves.
I am also proud of the progress that I have made toward putting myself first-even though this still needs a liiiiittle bit of work. Putting myself first has allowed me to have so many unbelievable experiences this year. I have been to countless amazing concerts (shout out Maggie Rogers, Hozier, and Fleetwood just to name a few). I went on two beautiful hiking trips to Shenandoah and Glacier National Parks. I got one of my dream tattoos, and  yes I told my parents about all of them.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and applied to the FBI, getting pretty far in the process- and although it didn’t work out right now for logistical reasons, I have all the intentions to continue on that journey. I QUIT MY FREAKING JOB. This was a long time coming, and has been one of the hardest choices and chances that I have taken. This choice was really what showed me that I am capable of putting myself first, and I think that I will be all the better for it as much as I am panicking right now with only 3 weeks left in the stable and familiar (but hella toxic).
This year I have also come to terms with allowing myself to be my most important  relationship in my life. I stopped putting pressure on myself to achieve time lines or find someone to complete me.  My life is complete with just me. I am a whole person who is capable of providing for myself and living a full and happy life on my own.  If someone comes around that fits into this life I have created, great. If not, more chocolate and hot water and dog cuddles for me.
Goodbye 25, hello 26. I am ready to continue this journey of letting go of the old “me” and allowing myself to be the person that I truly am.

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